It Was Today....

Today, I went to the interview. To be more specific, job interview. I woke up and I know what I’m feeling about today. It was not a good day. I don’t really want to go to work because of my health problems. You know, I mentioned earlier in this blog. I just loss another kg today. The scale showed me with its LED face that I am now weight 47 kg. I can see my mother’s worried face. To make it worst, I got the job. The job needs me to be there right on 9.30 a.m. and leave at 10.30 p.m. what the hell? I need to get up so early in the morning and walk for about half a kilometre to reach the bus stop and wait for the bus. I gonna have to deal with the rude foreigners who are also going to work in the same bus with me. I hope that they will behave this time. I don’t have him to protect me on that moment.

*sigh*

The manager or interviewed me. He’s a Chinese. He said that my basic salary will be RM 600.00 per month but I have to work more hours so he gave me about RM 800.00. minus socso, I will only get RM 750.00.

*sigh* (again)

Then, I looked at my back. There were two staffs. A Malay and an Indian. Both are guys. The Indian was quite friendly. Over friendly I assumed. Smiling at me from ear to ear. I guess I have to be really prepared to work there. Plus, I have to make sales. So, who wants to buy Gintell’s product? Do tell me. It is not easy to sell something like that. It’s pricey and people who shop at Tesco are normally from middle-class family. I could afford it but they seem not to see what’s the benefit of getting it.

*sigh* (one more time)

Well, what are other choices do I have? I can’t just sit back and relax at home. I need to get myself busy. I need to give him some space for himself. Let him rest and let me not bothering him. I have to make something to fill my empty days. I really hope that I could find some peace of mind not to think of my problems. I just need to be afraid of fainting in front of the people for not eating. I can only have a time to go out 45 minutes during lunch and dinner hours. I have to pray on that time.

*sigh* (for the last time cause it’s bad for my health)

I can only tell myself to be strong and stronger each days of my life. I don’t have any choice. Let me suffer from physical torture rather than mental torture. When I get home tonight, I don’t feel like telling my step father about my work. He doesn’t even want to listen to it. He scolded me for that yesterday. He scolded me for helping Fahmi to find a room around the area of Melaka Raya. He wants to work at Singtel. He asked me to work with him but I don’t think my parents will allow me to work there. My mother said that the place is not good for me and I don’t have a transport to go there. It’s so sad to leave my mother alone in the house but I guess she’ll be fine. She’ll have a laptop to keep her preoccupied.

*sigh* (really hope this is the last time)

I wanted so much to surrender myself to ALLAH and pray to him to save me but I can’t. I know he can hear my heart is crying right now. Please, Ya ALLAH. Give me happiness instead of sadness. Please cheer me up. I’m dying from loneliness.