Dec 31, 2011


Happy New Year~!
Finally, the saddest, most tragic and unforgettable year is left behind. I haven’t decided on how to react to that year. Am I going to smile or cry to the memories. Just a flashback, this is what had happened.

2011, I officially turned 18 and my friends and my boyfriend celebrated it with a surprised party. Nice try guys but not that nice. You don’t have to act like you hate each other just to play prank on me. Hahaha! They were pretending to argue with each other and I cried to that friendship failure when the birthday cake arrived with my favourite snack, Chacos!!! Hoyeah~! Alright, I think I wanna smile to this memory.

Then, I left my college in March. It was so sad to see my friends go back home and perhaps, we’ll never get the chance to see each other again. Well, it is easy to say hi but it’s always being so hard to say goodbye. I left the beautiful UiTM Lendu; the lake we used to go to after class, the night market, Jebat Cafe, the library, Tun Fatimah, and most importantly, the classes. I choose to smile to that moment because it happened.

After sometime I left my foundation, I lost my man. The one I thought would make me happy. I cried my heart out when he left me. But he promised me to be friends, to always watch over me and to love me. He was just afraid of the commitment. It was so hard for me to stand on my own feet again after the break up. I was left unprotected. I was afraid of everything. I chose to cry to that moment and wish that it would be better if we had not met.

To make it worse, I failed my Medsi test and I got myself accepted as a masscommer. It was a hard thing too as I believe that my true call is to teach and educate children. I couldn’t accept that and again, I spent my time crying. There goes my future... my hard work, good pointer, MUET are all wasted. I have to bear with it because I will be doing this for the rest of my life. I had no strength to live. No appetite to eat. No desire to achieve my ambition. My heart died but the organs are still functioning. However, I chose to be neutral because I hate it but sometimes I seem to be enjoying it.

Being alone and ignored, I built up a layer of protection around myself. I believe I was left because I was not attractive enough for him. Men... after I realized that, I have decided to change. I stopped eating that much, torturing my own tummy. I watched war movies to lose my sense of sympathy to anyone else. I searched for more friends. I opened up my eyes to the new cruel world and stepped in it. I have become a bolder girl. I socialize and dominate. I controlled myself and the surrounding. I have become brave and there is nothing that can go against me. Not even men. I chose to smile wickedly to this achievement.

But somehow, I still have the soft Dianarella inside that would always betray me. I can’t see someone sooo kesian. And that made me surrendered. Due to that, I was harass, hurt by some irresponsible men. I have become the victim again. I hate that. They made me scared. I don’t know where to go as I am in Shah Alam. I always turned to my childhood friend, Helmi but he left me too to further his career as a navy. So he is being recruited and he can’t stay in touch with me. DANG~! I chose to hate this moment. Grrr~~~

And then all the trouble I faced in masscomm’s field. Classmates’ conflicts, catching up with assignments, examinations, other people’s assumptions on masscomm and me after i joined masscomm. Ugh~! Seriously, I’m getting tired with all these.... due to the uncountable problem I faced, I chose to be fierce at this course. No more playing.

And now, I have reached the end of this year. I’m having my study week and I’m going to do the best for my first degree’s final. I’m on it! Hoyeah~!